Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Ladies First!



In the spirit of being radical, honest and celebratory – might I bring your attention to Lady Porn Day? I would not label myself as a consumer of porn, probably because I’ve never really explored the genre far enough to get past the unnerving lack of body hair and the unfortunate coupling of younger women with the kind of gross pudgy men who looked like they just wandered onto the set after auditioning for ‘America’s Lamest Dude’. However, I am certainly a Lady, and in the interest of promoting self, healthy and open sexuality for women I have decided to chronicle some of the funniest life experiences I have had regarding sex videos.


Early 2009: Watching ‘Pirates’ with a group of friends in a residence lounge my freshman year of University, fast-forwarding through all the dirty parts. Except a few times they guy with the remote control ‘accidentally’ pressed play a little two early and we caught a glimpse of Jesse Jane or whoever being, um, “penetrated” by lit candles. Ouch! Otherwise, the acting was pretty hilarious. I loved the Asian first mate called Wu Chow – the poor guy is acting in a porn film and didn’t even get any sex scenes!! I also remember repeating a quote absolutely central to the sophisticated plotline; “Loooook, there’s a body floating in the water” with the accent of a dying Valley Girl for weeks after. Actually, I still say that sometimes…

Late 2009: The same guy who was in control of the remote during Pirates introduced me to the genre of ‘pterodactyl porn’. Yes, from what I can remember it was three men dressed as prehistoric dinosaurs doing a young-looking girl who did not seem to be thrilled by the experience. Frankly, I was pretty horrified and decided I hated porn after that. I still haven’t fully recovered since then. Though when I found out a couple of my friends watched ‘Pirates 2: The Revenge of Victor Stagnetti’ when I wasn’t around, I was admittedly a little disappointed.

2011: Last week I was in a convenience store, wearing pajamas and buying munchies with my roommates. I decided to look at the movies and then noticed the existence of a sketchy looking white door near the corner of the movie section. We immediately figured it was the secret porn section and decided to go investigate. The door turned out to be a broom closet filled with cleaning supplies instead of containing titillating dirty movies like “TITanic”, among other hysterical titles. Instead, the store owners thought we were trying to steal stuff from them, so we bought our chips quickly and got the hell out of there.

After reading some of the great stories from other Lady Porn Day Stars, especially the project’s founder Rachel of Rabbit Write, I’m a little embarrassed that the extent of my porn knowledge doesn’t really go past a few mishaps involving the NSFW section of Vice Magazine and Street Carnage. I am inspired to seek out some feminist porn. I’m not exactly sure what that is, but I have the whole internet at my disposal. Let’s get to it.

15 comments:

Steffy's Pro's and Con's said...

great skirt!!! i always love how creative your outfits are.

please enter the giveaway on my blog!!!

link to giveaway:
http://steffysprosandcons.blogspot.com/2011/02/steffys-pros-and-cons-first-giveaway.html

<3 steffy
www.steffysprosandcons.blogspot.com

Miss Tami Lee said...

This is great! I work in the industry and had no idea about this! Time to do some writing.

Marja said...

I love your skirt and there are some really strange porm movies out there. I myself do watch porn sometimes but i'm very picky when it comes to it. I honestly think that when guys watch it they expect there girlfriends to do the same things that those girls do. from experience in that department that's one reason i dont watch it so often BUT occasionally i do and when tht happens im alone so watching it with people is really awckward so maybe that's why you couldnt reallly watch it the first time with the whole pirates thing but good luck with your search on the subject.



Marja <3

Anonymous said...

Check out the feminist section at Toronto's woman-friendly sex shop, www.goodforher.com

Kseniya said...

you are pretty good looking ^^

louie said...

If you want to explore some feminist porn, I can recommend Dirty Diaries, a Swedish project by Mia Engberg. I don't think there are any videos online, but you can read about it and see a trailer on youtube. Have fun!

/Louise

Meagan said...

your outfits are so nice all the time. <-- that is literally how discriptive I get, I'm sorry, but I can't think of anything that expresses your joyous sense of style.

those stories are too funny!!! it makes me want to be in college. I still have a while to go, sadly.

Peacock's Hat said...

This was a really interesting post to read; you always provide something interesting and thought provoking. I personally find the whole idea of porn very bizarre and disturbing- for me it's the voyeuristic element. Regardless of whether or not the gaze is particularly 'male' or not, I just find the idea of watching someone else have sex quite quite weird. For me ridiculous period dramas or True Blood is much more sexy than porn!

Melissa said...

kind of very funny,

well done.

Tea For Two said...

‘pterodactyl porn’ :D Fantastically strange.

OrigamiGirl said...

You look lovely as always.

I hear that feminist porn exists but I have never met anyone that watches it. Perhaps that's because it is only the really loud guys who discuss their porn watching habits...

Zhcsyra hp said...

u loooks so awesome and yr outfits is so chilln :))

wwwtariarizona.blogspot.com

Miss Woo said...

this is the best post everrrrr. A male friend once explained to me what bukakke is, I still have nightmares.

Rissa Katharine said...

isn't Bukkake just when a guy cums on a girl's face? I mean, (as far as Japanese porn) it's not really that nightmare-inducing.

Anonymous said...

You should check out "The Opening of Misty Beethoven"

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Opening_of_Misty_Beethoven?wasRedirected=true